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Saturday, 3 March 2012

Ride a White Spam to the CB Series finals

Apart from admitting he'd ridden Rebekah Brooks whilst Grant Mitchell fed them both sugar lumps, it's hard to imagine quite how much worse today's horsegate scandal could be for David Cameron. Perhaps admitting he'd ridden a sugar lump whilst watching Phil Mitchell being all butch could compete on some levels, but it would at least not involve the thought of our prime minister's spamdex thighs sweating collusion juice into light beige breeches.



I won't pretend I know whether Dinesh Chandimal would have had the foresight to turn round to Rebekah Brooks's husband Charlie a while back and say, 'Look, old chap, she's a lovely piece, but I'll take the stallion instead.' It's similarly pointless to speculate on whether Nuwan Kulasekara might have suggested they all just go and watch Midsomer Murders with a dry sherry instead of cantering around on that well-heeled Chipping Norton estate as impish neighbour Jeremy Clarkson shouted "Make sure you've plumbed a toilet into that horse if you've eaten a samosa! You'll be shitting for a week if you've eaten a samosa!!! Laugh Hammond, you poofturd!"

It's undoubtedly a humorous image but, on a serious note, we just don't know what Chandimal or Kulasekara would have done in David Cameron's position. Will this uncertainty play on their minds going into the CB Series finals? Hard to say, but I do expect Angelo Mathews to ride Australia like a whorish dressage mount at some point.

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