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Tuesday, 29 March 2011

Elgin Marbles to attend Mohali semi, says Hunt

In a breakthrough move for Anglo-Hellenic diplomacy, British culture secretary Jeremy Hunt has confirmed that the Elgin Marbles will attend the World Cup semi-final clash between India and Pakistan. Normally housed in the British Museum after being controversially removed from the Parthenon in the early nineteenth century, the collection of sculptures, statues and freezes will be airlifted to Mohali where they will be used as boundary markers.

Ownership of the fifth century BC architectural treasures has been a source of bitter dispute between Britain and Greece since they were spirited away by Thomas Bruce, the Seventh Earl of Elgin, but Hunt insisted that their presence at the semi-final will 'smooth things over once and for all.' When pressed for details on how exactly attending a cricket match would end centuries of acrimony, a government spokesman just mumbled something about how all historical problems related to the British Empire would end in Chandigarh on Wednesday.

Although some fans' tickets will be selected at random and shredded on arrival to accommodate the 150-strong entourage which will keep watch over the collection from within the 2,000 capacity stadium, it is hoped that any lingering resentment will be washed away in what Indian prime minister Manmohan Singh called 'a jacuzzi of cricket love soothey'. In keeping with the spirit of entente cordiale, a Sky spokesman also announced that co-commentators Ian Chappell and Sir Ian Botham would describe the action while snuggled in a scented silk hammock twiddling each other's hair and rubbing Piz Buin into each other's shoulder blades.

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