Pretoria - In closing arguments ahead of Oscar Pistorius's sentencing for culpable homicide next week, chief prosecutor, Gerrie Nel, called for the fallen idol to have to watch all five of the hastily scheduled India versus Sri Lanka ODIs. Nel - who is known as "The Pitbull" because he shares a surname with snarling fast-bowling gargoyle Andre - argued that this punishment would be "far more unbearable"for the disgraced athlete than the maximum custodial sentence of ten years.
Addressing the court, an impassioned Nel implored the trial judge thus: "My Lady, we accept that this was all clearly a bit of an accident which could have happened to anyone, but even so, the prosecution feels that the state must send a message that shooting people for going to the toilet isn't really on. A long prison sentence was our initial preference, but in light of developments in India, we believe being forced to repeatedly watch Thisara Perera bowl to Ambati Rayudu in the middle overs on a road is the worst possible punishment anyone could ever face."
Legal observers feel Nel has little chance of having his wish granted because a sentence of such utter depravity may well infringe Pistorius's human rights. However, there were signs of a compromise being reached when the chief prosecutor indicated that he may accept the defence's plea bargain of Pistorius being spared both prison and Laxman Sivaramakrishnan's commentary "if he watches a YouTube compilation of Dwayne Bravo's hilarious dance moves on loop for six months." The trial continues.